We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
