you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize