im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
