Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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