My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
