I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
