people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
