So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
