Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
