I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I FOUND THE LEGS
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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