Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
