she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
