I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
