I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
