were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
