i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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