Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
