This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
