No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
