so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So much Jack, so little girl.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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