I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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