It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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