I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
