Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
