Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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