I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
