So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
