at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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