that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
