Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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