I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
