I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
