I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
my liver is dry heaving
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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