I accidentally had phone sex last night
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Welp...herpes.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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