mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
