If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize