I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
