I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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