you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
