Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
