hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
