my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
