He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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