does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so that wasnt chicken after all
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
