Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
