my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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