They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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