I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
