why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
