Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
ugly people sure do ruin things
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
