Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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