I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
