called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
