Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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