I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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