I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
