He felt like a one man threesome
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
