Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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