thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
