I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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