Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize