There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you had me at cake vodka
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
