the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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