you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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