In the future we'll all be gay
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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